The sexual urge is, undoubtedly, the most' powerful emotion in the human psyche. When founded in love its won. derful creative energy can fire the imagination
of a Shakespeare if not, it
I
can lead to the crazed
obsession of Jack the
Ripper. Very rightly D.H. Lawrence commented that most people have sex in the head instead of in the right place. The thwarted sexual urge has caused many a marriage to fail but in this tragic story it blotched the face of a beautiful bride and put her life on 'bold'.
It was 14th February 1998, Valentine's Day. It was Shirin's and Mubin's wedding day. Shirin was keenly aware of the association of Valentine's day with romance and love. She was elated, brimming with hope and energy that morning. But a slight anxiety lingered at the back of her mind. She had met Mubin only twice before. For all practical purposes, he was a complete strange except in appearance.
The first meeting was when Mubin's family visited her home, to approve the proposal. Mubin was handsome at 28 years. An electrical engineer by profession, he had a job in Kuwait, with Otis Elevator Company which seemed promising enough. He was a graduate of Bombay's Prestigious Vallabhai Patel College, which spoke well of his intelligence. It seemed an ideal proposal to her and Shirin had willingly acquiesced.
She herself had completed her B.Sc. in mathematics from Wilson College, and had a diploma from Aptech in Computer programming. She was now 24 years old, had a job and, therefore, well placed and mature enough to settle down to raising a family
The families had gone through the usual routine, discussed what gifts. the bride's family would give her, the kind of wedding, was all the opportunity she had to interact with her prospective husband. Now the big event, which would propel her into a new family, a new life-style and the role of wife, loomed ahead.
In the excitement of dressing up in bridal finery, the hectic preparation - having fun with her sister and cousins and friends, many feminine secrets were shared. What would sex be like? Yes, she was told many things, but surely getting to know each other would be a very important part of becoming husband and wife?
The wedding ceremony and reception were a blurring, dizzying round of light and music and streams of guests which left her quite spent at the end of the day. She had not a moment to think. She would be glad for some rest and quiet. The tearful parting from her mother and brother and sister added to her disquiet. At last they retired home.
That wedding night, when she entered the home of her mother-in-law for the first time, she was dismayed. The wedding presents her family had given her had all been opened up. Even the lovely blue silk bed-sheet, with roses on it, which was spread out on the bed, was a gift from her mother. She felt she had been denied something - the right to her possessions.
She had dreamed of romantic alliances, of getting to know her huband, of sharing thoughts and emotions and achieving that intimacy so essential to a marriage in which both partners are equal. That was not Mubin's way of thinking and behaving. He had one aim in mind, to take possession of his wife and satisfy his sexual fantasies. Secretly she resolved to be patient and win him to her way of thinking.
The honeymoon was a brief four days of travelling and sight seeing in Delhi and Agra
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and then they were to climb to the romantic setting of Simla but trouble began right there. Shirin began her menstrual cycle and Mubin became furious. He accused her of planning it and cancelled going to Simla. Disillusionment with her husband began setting in.
For many a bride the harsh introduction to sex by an insensitive husband who is a total stranger, must seem like a nightmare. For a woman sex can be an invasion of her personal privacy and modesty unless she is emotionally involved. It is a known fact that a sexual union that is pleasurable for both partners requires the active participation of both. Unfortunately in the mindset in our Indian homes the subject of sex is taboo. Whatever young boys and girls learn about sex is
either explained with clinical precision by qualified persons, or picked up from blue films and cheap sex literature.
Shirin wanted a husband whom she could love, not a stranger to go to bed with. She needed time to get used to Mubin, but he was not making any efforts to bridge the gap in their relationship. Try as she might, she could not get him to
communicate with her. She confided in her mother how she felt. Her mother was supportive and told her not to worry, if she wanted to
come back to her she was willing to take her back.
When she spoke to her husband and asked.
for time to adjust, his attitude was- if you can't take it you can leave for good! Not really wanting a divorce quite so early in her marriage, but not succeeding in communicating her need for time, she was hustled into returning to her mother.
Then quite officially, a meeting was called by her in-laws to discuss the divorce proceedings. That was on 24th April, barely 2 months after the wedding day.
Mubin's side demand that Shirin pay Rs. 1 lakh as compensation and also leave behind her wedding trousseau and jewellery that
were still at her husband's place. The sum of Rs. 1 lakh was more than Shirin's family had to give just then. They asked for time to make the payment, but Mubin demanded immediate payment. The most humiliating aspect of the discussion was Mubin's very uncouth and disparaging remarks, directed at Shirin, with no concern for her feelings, in front of the community elders present.
The families parted without any real settlement. Shirin tried to pick up the strands of her life before marriage. Since'she had kept her job she <;ontinued going to work. She had to face taunts and jibes from friends and acquaintances for leaving her husband. No one gave her any sympathy. On the contrary, she was ridiculed.
It was a month after the discussion, 28th May, as she entered the compound in the evening after work, and walked to her building, she had the impression that someone was hiding near the- ground floor garage. A little apprehensive, she looked in the parking lot, but no one was to be seen. She began climbing the stairs and midway to her first floor flat she saw her husband rushing down the stairs towards her. In a flash, he had flung acid in her face and was gone. She screamed, but no one could hear her behind their locked doors. When her mother did open the door to her, Mubin had fled. Shirin splashed water on her face from which fumes were coming out. She was in agony and had to be rushed to I.I.Hospital, the nearest hospital. After being administered first aid and registering her complaint with the Police, she was admitted" to Masina Hospital to the special Intnsive Care Unit for bums."1 was happy that by doing this to me I would be vindicated and people would now know what was like," she says naively." I had heard what wonders plastic surgery could achieve so I was not particularly anxious about my appearance. Little did I think that 3 , years and 8 operations later, niy face would still be quite such a mess. What makes it so terrible is that he had planned it," Shirin narrates. "
The nitric acid he used has left her once pretty face criss-crossed with scars. Her nose, now shrunken and almost flattened has to be kept open with a small plastic vent to allow her to breathe. Miraculously, her eyes escaped because she blinked in time but her eyebrows, eyelids, down till her chin, her skin is creased and brown, like a photograph crumpled and stained in the centre.
Why did he do it? What went wrong in their marriage? As Shirin explains it, the incompatibility of their sexual orientation was the main reason. For a women, sex is invasive, if she is not prepared. For a man it is all aggression, playing out his sexual fantasies. Marriage is the licence to indulge himself. His wife is a free maid servant to help with the house work and submit to his desires.
After receiving the complaint, the police went to Mubin's house. His mother claimed that she was alone at home and did not know where her son was. It was 2.00 a.m. and the police had no option but to return to the police station. The next day when they visited
Mubin's house they were told that he had re- "
turned to Kuwait about 5 days earlier. Later Shirin's family learnt that he had taken the flight to Kuwait that very night in a pre-mediated and well-planned, vicious act of revenge on a wife who was too self-assertive. Her desire to have the kind of family life she wanted was too much for the sex-crazed man who only viewed his wife as a sex-object.
" I am so afraid "that he will return to complete the work he began and bum my eyes. I am deeply grateful to God for sparing me my sight, though my eyebrows and eyelids got burnt. For 2 months I could not sleep because my eyelids wee so badly burnt I could not close my eyes. Only after the skin graft was done, am I able to close my eyes," she informs me.
Unfortunately for Shirin, her skin type does not take well to the grafting so, though she has undergone as many as 8 transplants, the brown scars on her face contrast strongly with her fair complexion. After 3 months the burnt portions of her face began to swell up into odd
lumps which made her very unsightly. She required surgery to even out the contours again. Her nose needs an artificial vent so that the nostril does not close. Her thighs from where the skin was taken for the grafts are black and blue. Small patches where the nitric acid splashed on her chest, arms and thighs are dark brown welts. "I just have to live with it" she says in a matter of fact way.
What does the future hold for her? "The sight of me frightens people, especially little children, and that hurts, but I mean to live my life as normally as possible," she answers.
"Counting my blessings has helped me through the most difficult part. The shock, when I first looked into the mirror after 2 months, is unimaginable," she confides. Every operation requires that she be admitted to hospital. The cost is very high and after the family had spent all their resources, it was necessary to seek the help of charitable trusts."The Tata Trust and the Sir Dorabjee Tata Trust have been wonderfully magnanimous in their donations,"she acknowledges "but to procure the donations I had to exhibit myself and that was a lesson in humility". The Sir Dorabjee Tata Trust gifted her a computer so she can continue with her career. This plucky young lady means to take a course in designing web pages, even though it means travelling by bus and train from Mazagaon to Mahim and encountering the rude stares of fellow passengers.
What was the attitude of Mubin's family? They just kept quiet. Possibly because they were afraid Mubin would have to go to jail and wanted to protect him. They returned all the jewellery and gifts she had taken as part of her trousseau. This was arranged by Awaz -eNiswa which means 'Voice of Women', an orginsation that champions the cause of
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women, and which played a key role in arranging for this settlement.
It all boils down to a knowledge of, and a right approach to sex and marriage. "Sure I talked about sex with friends and I had been told the men do this and that. But there must be a certain respect for one's partner. There should be mutual consent which can come from emotional involvement." Shririn says.
As she tries to piece her life together, Mubin roams free. It is too much to expect the police to tract one individual whose crime does not figure in the statute book as a heinous crime. Society merely turns its face away from the unsightly scars and the problems of the victims of such atrocities. Shirin is left to the mercy of her family. Fortunately for her they are very supportive and show her no resentment. But there is no one to bring the culprit to book. He is quite capable of finding himself another wife and living his life without any encumbrances from his past, in a foreign land.
Shirin has been invited in June this year, to make a presentation at the 'XIIth World Burns Congress' (WBC) in the USA, which is being organised by the Phoneix Society, USA. The focus at the congress will be atrocities against women and Shirin is anxious to attend but there is a hitch. She will have to find someone to sponsor her flight expense since the congress will only take care of her stay in the USA. Reaching out to other victims of burns, through the Internet and through her own efforts to socialise, has helped Shirin tremendously to be very positive in her outlook on life, inspie of her terrible experience. |
